Gift of love

11th May, I recall this day with utmost grief in my lil heart. As this day embarks the long lost love for my beloved Grandpa . I lost my daddu seven years back, on the same day. Seven years have passed, but since that till today I never parted him from my memories which are still young till date. He bought me up since day one till his last breath.

On every Mother’s Day, being in the lap of my mom, I recall him even more and we both get busy remembering our old melodies spent with him & the whole day gets over like any other normal day. But, on this Mother’s Day 11th May 2014, it was my Mom who pushed me for this IndiMeet. She knows, this day compels me roll down more & more tears than any other day in the whole year. Just because of my Mom’s words I agreed & waived her off for the meet. It was around 3.45pm I pushed the door of Banquet Hall of J.W. Mariott Hotel, Juhu, Mumbai & pleased my eyes with galore of glamour, so Bright-White throughout the sight. Within no-time Freschia (Am sorry if I went wrong with your name spell), host of the event divided all of us in teams and we got to know atleast names one-another.

Crazy ‘Zoomba” , being 1st event arranged for that day pulled all on the floor to shake a leg. It was then we all got to know ‘Hips don’t lie’ actually. The 1st event energized all of us & then events followed one after the other. I befriended Sneha ( http://stylesaaga.com/ ) guest faculty for professional courses; Veena ( http://veena-cakesbakes.blogspot.com/ ) owner of her own cake-shop situated at Powai; Tanyaa ( http://letsexpresso.com/ ) , simply a blogger who landed all over from the capital city just for this meet; Sherna ( http://meowconnect.blogspot.in/ ) a Tech Freak blogger; Priyanka Chowdhary; Khushboo, a socialist Suman, F.Y.J.C student & many more. Hey, wait…. How can I forget to mention my victory at Hula-Hoo event, where holding that ring for the very first time in my life & rolling around the waist made me winner..... Whoopppiiieeee!

The last event being “Be the Bartender” for which I was very excited. Actually that event wasn’t that interesting as it didn’t involve the participation of entire team but one member representing the whole. Veena, represented my Team-8 (French-Braids). She asked me to taste and it was supa. वैसे  तो  I don’t actually drink (Sssssshhhhh…… मम्मी को नहीं है पता , so मम्मी से ना केहना) but, एक-दो  sip तो चलता है यार . The host of that particular event made us learn to make a drink. As of now, I know to make a drink at least, Thank God!

By then now, we all were dying out of hunger, but then I hold on to it & went for hair-styling, I fell in love with my hairs that day. I tried curls for the very first time in my life and my inner self was filled with ecstasy by load of compliments. And then my eyes got stuck on someday who stole my heart-away. Miss Pallavi, the Chief Executive Blogger whose hairs were longer than her attires (sorry for that weirdo comparison but that’s the 1st line struck me that day).

While we were munching our dine, we feasted our eyes too with mesmerizing dance moves arranged by Indiblogger organizes team. The event didn’t conclude then but with drop back facility. It was around 10.30pm & my patience started killing me off. My dad  being conservative, doesn’t like me being outdoor so late. It was then Nihal, Karthik & Renee who kept calming me down & arranged  a tab-cab just for me till my door step. No matter I reached around 12 midnight, looking at my graceful smile my dad crumbled me in his arms and kissed my forhead.

 Thanks a ton #Dove, you made me believe the Power of almighty all over again. Had Indiblogger not arranged this meet, I wouldn’t have got such an unforgettable gift from my daddu.

Thanks #Dove #Indiblogger Team & Thank you daddu. I know you are watching it all from the above. I’ll always Love you.

Will keep in touch with forthcoming IndiMeets, especially of  #Dove.

Ambiguous Rains

Your expressive oceans hypnotize me

"You can't gaze into my eyes" he challenged. But, I did for the words I took it as 'WAR'.

Without a blink he stared and allowed me to get drowned in those deep oceans.

Resting at Marine Drive. one can fall in love with the beauty it dawns upon you. I could hear gushing of waves inside-out, in his eloquent eyes and against those tetra-conical rocks with round curves.

“It’s the first time I’ve seen you in long open hairs” he sensed my shyness and continued “Nice”

“Very Nice” I retorted and we both giggled eyeing the coast.

“Pay heed to this waves, they have got something to let you know” directing me towards waves he approached.

“I can’t react the way they are asking me to” I retorted

Mysterious eyes conveyed every bit of the word left unspoken. More than verses our silence made best of conversation.

“The best of sunset I could ever visualize” he still retracts.

Gawking those silver lining on clouds in my eyeballs he embarked each pinch of details designing the most striking dusk. Sun like a crowned king escorted by gloomy clouds then bade adieu. So were his eyes, gloomy which were filled with mirth. Initially I just couldn’t  ogle but for the vocabes “I wana see the sunset in your wonderland” I fixed my eyes at the Sun which was playing hide & seek with clouds, He pointed out every single fact featuring the twilight, there commenced an amazing eve.

Face was lit up bright. Zest and zeal  filled the heart in multitude but I shaped it in a little curvy smile for the sake of not spoiling even a single moment but a remarkable memory.

Navy blue full sleeved shirt with a red strap embracing his collar bone, statured his manly abs and so curvy biceps. In the shade of sand trousers he wore, combining with black shoes, a bit squarely rounded pointing towards toe. Blended all in all with slight perfume and his million dollar smile made him look all the more a Heart-throb.

Little Drizzles turned windy inferring to our senses about heavy showers. But, thank God, something didn’t happen that sort of. Till the time I longed for him, I hardly saw a raindrop. For the past 15 loooooong minutes I awaited for him. He didn’t arrive late but I reached before time. I must state that quarter was worth a wait. The minute he occupied my sight, as if the globe stopped its rotation, all honks-chirps-chitter-chatter lost their originality. Hundreds of butterflies started fluttering in my yummy-tummy. I was all lost in him, went into my own world of paradise with wide open eyes, going red in smiles. Reality broke when our greeting hand-shake sensed droplets. For the moment we stood still then and there deciding whether to move ahead or backwards, again to our daily routine. Destiny had planned that eve, we moved forward towards Arabian Sea. I looked at the grey blanket above my head who was calling us with its open arms to feel its cozy embrace. With our every step drips followed. It was as if he bought it all with his arrival. Windy wavy water welcomed us with all the sounds it could make. I perceived its message and felt gratuitous for the warm reception. I love that gushing sound of waves it make every time when I visit, but that day I loved it even more. We sat there for hours, had a walk along Queen’s necklace, WALK TO REMEMBER for the lifetime.

I read him my poem which I had jotted down in local train while boarding towards Churchgate in red ink out of love it shined more. It wouldn’t have been possible to utter those lines for him for I was feeling a bit shy, an Irony. It was as if words lost touch with an extrovert-talkative girl.

“You’ll read it with utmost emphasis whenever required, words not losing their originality” he summoned me.

Had he not said those words, I wouldn’t have gained courage to read out aloud just for him, holding all my shyness and blushes.

“How could you pen down so artistically in such a short span of time” he inquired.

“Coz it’s you & all for you” that’s all I could state expressing all those adjectives which I was holding on till then.

A cup of chai with his first sip made it sweeter. One more irony, I wanted to have tea that day.

More than lips we conversed with blinks, gaze, blushes, gestures & warm touches. Heart beats paced up when I moved my eyes off from him and turned against him. That very instance he blew my tresses from my back. I felt him close, too close to ear anything but each other’s breath and smell the cologne. We then said nothing but heard everything. Our gestures sufficed our feelings. Everything was too cold and silent to be adapted by me inclusive of my own self.

We nattered about loneliness to almost everything. At an instance, I was almost about to shed had he not cuddled my head, had he not adorned me like a kiddo, had he not clinched my tresses with so much affection. Tears welled up for the reason he uttered the most painful word ‘separation’, but he made sure that they don’t roll down. I fell for him even more.

 I don’t know what I was speaking, sometimes verses and he completed the same, at-times instrumental in voice, he sang the same…

For some days then on I was all spellbound in this lyrics बे  इन्तेहाँ  यूँ  प्यार  कर ……. 

I don’t know what am I suppose to conclude for the BOND we share……..  

I don’t know whether I have ever got wet in first rains, but that day I was drenched in his CLINCH from top to bottom……

I don’t know had I ever tracked every minute, but that THREE HOURS were like three lives lived at a stretch ……..

I don’t know whether MONDAY is lucky for me, but that was an eve darkening into dusk with wavy winds, cozy weather, drowning shafts beautifying the sea and so did dribbling little droplets, all it added to “A  PERFECT  EVE” along with so very “PERFECT  HIM.”

I don’t know exactly what does a ‘Date’ mean as I’ve never been so lucky to experience one. Despite all that, whatever that day had in store for me, knowingly – unknowingly all abbreviations, disclosed what they actually mean in reality.

For the very first time reality was far better than a mere dream! 

प्यार हुआ इकरार हुआ

तुम  ही  हो 

♥तूझे  अपने  हाथों  कि  लकिरों  में  ना  बसाया तो फिर केहना

आके  तूझे  तेरे  ख़्वाबों में  ना  सताया  तो  फिर  केहना

♥तेरी  सोच  में  गुजर  जाती  है  सारी  रात  जिंदगी  भर

रातों  को  ना  जगाया  तो  फिर  केहना

♥ढूँढते  फिरोगे  तुम  हर  जगह  हमको  अपने  इश्क  में

तूझे  पागल  ना  बनाया  तो  फिर  केहना

♥तुम  को  औरों  ने  चाहा  होगा

"मेरी  जान  तुम्हें  अपने  आपसे  ज्यादा  ना  चाहा  तो  फिर  केहना"

.··٠٠••●●♥♥ღ 

Too FAR yet Too CLOSE

All I need is "U"

“What happened to us? We used to be inseparable. Now we barely talk. You’re avoiding me I can feel it. I just don't know why & I hate it because you're the one I talk to about everything & without you I feel as if I'm completely alone” strangers become best friends so easily, but lately, best friends CAN become strangers too, not to mention the ‘easy’ part. Time judges everyone, but the world we live in, its people who judge us, it’s for people we change, it’s for people we accept or deny and it’s for people we live. For someone else we tend to break barriers, take important decisions and do stuffs in life like we’d never imagine, the feeling is almost the same as if you’re hanged onto the ceiling fan and you’re trying to stay alive, the feeling of restlessness takes over, coz that person now has become an addiction, that person now is an important part of your life, of your own soul, and imagine when that friend of yours disappears out into the crowd without any reason, Just disappears. Ever known that feeling?

It’s a sick feeling yes, loads of disappointment and sadness takes over hard strong feelings of love and care. It’s so sick that you start hating and feel sorry for yourself. You feel more disgusted about it when you realize that this ain’t the first time someone made you feel like sh*t and used you for their own benefits. Imagine waking up the next morning with that terrible feeling knowing that the one you cared about the most just left. How can someone just leave? How can they just walk away? Just like that? At the snap of the fingers? Like their mind just got erased and all the memories suddenly no longer existed? As if they never met?

Here’s an example, the girl you know and your group of friends know, call her a sl*t. I want to ask them who gave them the right to? Why never thought that all those people she was with broke her apart every single time, and there she was with someone new with the belief that he won’t leave her. Fake promises, the mentality of people in the world we live in. people call her sl*t just because she could move on easily? How can one be so sure of it? Is it for some attention that the one you call a sl*t is a sl*t because she cuts herself or smokes a cigarette? Or maybe for the fact that you might’ve thought what if she shared the bed with you but you just weren’t that good enough? You see, Judging people, giving advises, giving people a chance, that’s all the ethics of friendship and love. Sometimes all this time you pray and beg for is a chance to make things right, and then when you get the chance, a chance maybe you don’t deserve but still you get it and as it comes in front of you, you don’t want to talk about it? Barbie dolls.

That girl you call a sl*t is also facing the same troubles as I am, Facing the wrath of people who can throw you away at any given point of time. She’s not a sl*t. she’s a brave girl, brave and a strong one who’s probably looking for a shoulder to cry on. Who still believes in humanity which I suppose is long gone and dead.
I mean... what the heck? Whatever happened to friendship? Whatever happened to true love? It’s all a myth, the big writers and their best-selling novels about love and friendship are nothing but loads of bullsh*t period. Nothing but big junk of lies, coz nothing of that sort works around with anyone, or even if it works, you’ll have to find that person? Yeah right, another stupid journey to make which will lead you back to right where you began.

Sometimes, when I see a child sleeping on bricks I believe that hard stones seem to be more merciful than some people's hearts. The world we live in, the world where I think that friends are everything? And that they’ll stand for you whenever you need them? It’s never gonna happen. There are no such stereotypes. You spend late nights talking and sharing and trying to understand their pain and give them a way out only to realize later on that friend of yours left you in the very state once he/she were and the most terrible part is that you don’t know what the way is out. You try to hold someone’s hand in the process, get back up and try to move on and for holding that someone’s hand and coming out doesn’t come for free, it’s a two way process of give and take obviously. Coming to the point, Yes. Moving on. How can someone ever move on? This is something that one cannot do who very well knows how it feels when someone walks out of your life. All it takes the caption – She/he is no more in your life. The bubble then bursts suddenly and the tears finally start streaming down. It’s seriously unrealistic, care little for friends you’ll lose them, and then care too much, you end up getting hurt.
I honestly feel so weak and emotions make me go so insane. Even though I want to catch a grip on myself, still I lose the control. My tears start to fall slowly on the ground. Everything just gives a feeling of fading away. You know the friend who says they hate when someone does something to them? And then turns around and does it to you the same day? Yeah, I have that friend. And I have a lot of other friends that I call them with different definitions.

“You lied, you lied to me with a smile on your face convincing me to believe you and yes indeed I believed you but look where it got me now, sad, lonely, angry and depressed I hate u!” – Yes, the conditions I suffer or anyone else would after being left out like a junk of garbage with no recycling feature. Forget dying, I'm already dead. My eyes are empty. I'm just a body with no soul. I walk around, and I'll smile and I'll laugh; but I don't feel anything. I'm just numb, and I'm terrified. How long after you stop feeling. Do you stop living? Not all scars show and not all wounds heal. Some people's pain stings more than others, while other's pain you can never compare. It’s funny sometimes; I mean who need knives or blades to cut your own skin when the words or the deeds these close ones of ours are as sharp as ever. They cut through the entire way, right upto the heart where it hurts the most, and as it keeps pinching you down there, the watery eyes make you choke as if you’re sinkin’ deep under the ocean trying to survive and swim back to the shore. How much more miserable can someone’s life be?

So there's this constant pain in my chest, and my tears always seem to be screaming the truth that my heart can't say... It’s called heartbreak. Heartbreak isn’t always as loud as a bomb exploding. Sometimes it can be as quiet as a feather falling, and the most painful thing is that no one really hears it except you.

I guess life isn’t meant for people who give out more than they should. They’re weak to stand in a large crowd and amongst people who can move on at any given point of time.
Well, Friendship, Love, what’s the difference? Nothing...
What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger. Well, and what if it does? What would you say about that?
All I wonder now, is the heart rendered useless when it no longer longs to cry?
Dropping dead now…

Dropping Dead Now...

Can I do that? It doesn’t seem that way. I am still lying down trying to be dead, but it’s too much to deal with before I can rest in peace. I have to live this stupid life completely. Am I depressed? Is this how it really feels to be alone? This feeling gets me. It scares me and yes, it hurts me.

It’s already over and I still have no clue what’s keeping me in this moment. If it was so easy to move on, then I suppose I wouldn’t have been in this phase. I’m smiling but these tears that falls to the ground. Is this normal? Yes. Probably coz I guess no smile is as beautiful as the one that struggles through tears. Very beautiful tears!

Some people say if ever there is a person who’s by your side in your worst times, then he’s not just a friend but a savior of both. But what will you call that savior who betrays you in a manner that even your worst enemy could never think of? The only question that remains in the end is, ‘Where did I go wrong?’
It’s not like I never tried. No matter how much things get worse there’s always a way out. Until and unless, the one with whom you are, doesn’t want it to happen. And thus, I suppose breakups happen and friendships break. I’m just a part of those stereotypes now that are walking aimlessly in this world.

- I’m tired of this! Tired of us!
- I’m tired of keeping up with these promises!
- I’m tired of arguing every now and then!
- I’m tired of being taken for granted!

Puns of relationships. Those reasons mentioned are just amongst a few of many moments when you can define what it that you share with your partner is. Is this what relationship is all about? Is it even a relationship?
Questions and their answers turn out to be nothing but something that we always knew. And it was a certain feeling that told me quite a long time ago. ‘Fear’ told me.

Fear told me about getting that cold shoulder. The time when either she leaves or I leave her or when either of us would beg for a chance that we think we deserve. But she would least care about it. – As if I was history already. It’s not that she left me. She just let go.
My fear was right after all. The only thing it never told me that I would have to cry so much for it! Cry my guts out with only one question, ‘Where the fu*k did I go wrong?’ An answer that I’d never get but instead get loads of disappointments and swears that I gave to myself for being a jerk. Yes. This is what love is! I’ve loved her so very much that I have begun to hate myself for it! I’ve been so much into her that I had forgotten the way I had lived through when she wasn’t around. It gives me the chills at the very thought of it. The very thought of beginning it all over. I never want to live my old life once again! I want her back! I want us back!

Every drop that fell to the ground, I had begun to lose all my senses and hope of saving myself from falling apart. But it’s human, isn’t it? To cry for what you have lost even when you realize it was never yours? It never ever was?
When everything falls apart, it’s not the pain that kills; it’s that fu*king hope that will. That small ray of hope dwindling with my faith and all those possibilities that’s gonna change me and the present.

So I have been brought down on my knees and yes it hurts. It exceeds the amount of tears I cry. Coz the love and care I have is still so much more than I had expressed. The chance that I deserved to explain and let out my thoughts was far too gone and as I turned that call down I was nothing but a fragment of past for her. The smiles I used to cherish are the same smile that now literally makes me choke. That beautiful smile was nothing but an ugly little smirk that was telling me, ‘Hey, guess what? You were played’. Every word that came out of her mouth was cold and lifeless. And it kept breaking me bit by bit until my heart couldn’t take it anymore.

I can’t sleep. There’s so much to lose. Perhaps I’ll never know what love is, or what comes before that. I don’t even know what I shared. All I know is that I stood by her always, in her good times and especially in her bad times. Maybe none of this makes sense. Maybe it was never love at all.

The sun is rising and it’s rays passing through the curtains falling over my face. No matter how warm, but it cannot beat the heavy feeling I hold inside of me. I must rise. But nobody will ever know how I came this way. Because people never look past a smile and then there would be some who might but nothing beats apart the feeling of someone leaving you broken midway. I can ignore it but I cannot ignore the pain and the moments. I’ve lived through it. It will always be there, a bitter truth. There will be friends around where I might just blend in, save myself from going insane with the thoughts that keep haunting me only to realize now that I can now fake it. I can be just like everyone else.

Maybe someday we’d meet. And that day maybe we’d rather not want to remember the worst part of the past but only the good. But no matter what we do. The scars will always be there at the back of our mind and they will never fade away. For that someday will be the day when you’d remember the very same day you decided to walk away. For friends never leave half-way. True friends always find a way to come back together. And true friends are stitched together by fate and time.

So this heartbreak is still constant for the feathers are still falling quietly. But the uprising has begun. And today’s the day where I have known that everything in this life is difficult to achieve, even friends. Because it does not matter whether you’re with a group of people or hundreds of people, you are still alone. Just as time passes the pictures will never fade but the person in that picture will have a different story to tell. For people do change. There are no tests to be passed. And certainly one cannot know for sure whether the one beside you will or will not break your heart. Coz when it falls apart you’d never know what hit you, until you know you’re down on your knees. Because everyone’s going to hurt you though it’s upto you to decide who’s worth the pain...

-By Nikita Jain

https://www.facebook.com/Youcanspeakbuticanrhyme?ref=stream&hc_location=timeline

तू एक एहसास है

अंजान राहों में कुछ ख़ास है 
बारिश कि बूंदों में तेरा साज़ है 
टिप -टिप बरसता होठों से नीचे सरकता
उस पानी को भी तेरी प्यास है

घड़-घडाता बादल सून ज़रा कुछ कहता है
कोई तूझे कहीं बड़ी शिद्दत से पुकारता है 
मेरे इंतज़ार कि अब और न ले इम्तिहाँ 
आ भी जा अब क्यूँ इन बाँहों को तरसाता है 

ये तेज़ हवाएँ आज तन को ऐसे लिपट गई 
बंद नैनों में जेसे तेरी परछाई समा गई
तेरी आहट से धड़कने बढ़ने लगी 
जुल्फों से खेलती तेरी उंगलियाँ पलकें झूका गई

पहाड़ों से टकराकर जेसे गूंजती हैं लेहरें 
तेरे स्पर्श को वेसे महसूस करती हैं साँसें
डूब जाना चाहती हूँ उनकि आँखों में 
समुंदर से भी गेहरी हैं वो निघाहें 

एक दिल और सही

तेरी उन आखों को परख लिया होता
तो इन आँखों में आंसुओं का निशान न होता 

तुमसे क्या मिले जिंदगी को नए मायने मिल गये
तुम्हारा साथ क्या मिला किसिकी  कमी महसूस हि नहीं हुई
दर्द भरे सिने कि हर चोट का मरहम बन गये
तुम पास क्या थे जेसे मैं दुरियों का मतलब भूल हि गई

आज तुम साथ नहीं तो अकेलापन काटने दौड़ता है
अपनों में अपने आपको ये दिल कहीं खोझता है

किससे करें अपने दिल -ओ-दर्द  कि दास्ताँ बयान
हम इस ग़लतफहमी में रह गये तुम रहोगे सदा बाहों में मेरे
दुनिया कि परवाह नहीं की सपनों का बना लिया आशियाँ
आज भी उन्हीं टूटे सपनों के शीशे चुभते हैं इन आँखों में मेरे

P.S. : Verses defines the title, "one more heart is broken in this way" !

काश तुम मेरे होते

चाहा है तुझको चाहूंगा हर पल   

उस नूर से बढ़कर चाहते तुझे ,
उस अंबर से बढ़कर सराहते तुझे,
दिल में कभी दर्द न होता तेरे,
तेरी पलकों पे अश्क के छींटे न होते,
यह वादा था मेरा, काश तुम मेरे होते ।

उस ग़ैर कि बाहों में नहीं देख सकते तुझे,
उस मुस्कुराहट में मेरे लिए तड़पता नहीं देख सकते तुझे,
वक़्त लगता पुरे होते सपने सारे तेरे,
तेरी पलकों पे अश्क के छींटे न होते,
यह वादा था मेरा, काश तुम मेरे होते ।

उस एक पल ने रुसवा कर दिया तुझे,
उस एक घड़ी कि कशिश ने तोड़ दिया मुझे,
नाकर मेरी बराबरी घेरों से दिल को तकलिफ होगी तेरे,
तेरी पलकों पे अश्क के छींटे न होते,
यह वादा था मेरा, काश तुम मेरे होते ।

उस ग़ैर को तुने अपनाया चाहता है वो तुझे,
उस आशिक में न ढूंढ़ मुझे दर्द होगा तुझे,
क्यूँ  इतनी कश्मकश में हैं बुने सपने तेरे,
तेरी पलकों पे अश्क के छींटे न होते,
यह वादा था मेरा, काश तुम मेरे होते ।

ऐ सनम ना तड़प तू  मेरे लिए,
ना तड़पा उसे अपनी आशिकी में अपने लिए,
नहीं सेह पायेंगे अगर कहेगा बेवफा वो तुझे,
तेरी पलकों पे अश्क के छींटे न होते,
यह वादा था मेरा, काश तुम मेरे होते ।


P.S. - I dedicate this poem to my buddy who is still in love with his girlfriend knowing that they can't be together ever. He neither complain about his life nor his partner for not being by his side, rather he's happy for all those beautiful memories which wouldn't have been worth keeping in the memory lane had it not been with her. She loved him too, but circumstances & situations won over their LOVE! Though she has found her Life-Partner who share tonnes of LOVE with her, she's sad as she compares her PARTNER with my BUDDY, जिसकी मोहब्बत का कोई मुकाबला ही नहीं .....ऐसा है मेरा ये दोस्त, पर...... जैसा भी है, मुझे बोहत - बोहत प्यारा है मेरा ये दोस्त :)